I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize