fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Randomize
