JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
