forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
How's work?
Spinning.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
