I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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