I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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