We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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