And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
he's gonorrhea incarnate
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
