Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
