he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
