do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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