never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
