Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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