just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize