Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize