At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
