High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
