So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
