she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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