This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
