Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
We don't watch enough power rangers
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
So much rum. So many feels.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
