he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
