this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
