I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
