Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
