dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
