saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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