O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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