Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
