So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
We need to get me chipped asap
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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