Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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