should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
