well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
