I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He? As in you personified your dick?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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