Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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