Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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