There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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