Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
