Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
