This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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