Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
