I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
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After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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