I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
