How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
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