i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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