First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
