you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
