i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
