That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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