Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
