woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
