he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
