why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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