Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
