she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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