batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
So much rum. So many feels.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
