So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Randomize
