And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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