have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Just pee around me
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
