I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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