Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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