I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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