If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
