happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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